Dear readers, well, it has taken me 2 hours to get into this to post a new blog, so you can see I am over my head in the learning curve in many ways. One of the first guidelines I heard about for new widows, is don’t make any major changes, but I didn’t think setting up a new blog on a new computer, and learning to use my cellphone would qualify! Ha!
At any rate, I’ve thought a lot about maintaining borders during my rapidly waning energy level, and have come up with a few internal rules (which I seem to break every so often, only reminding me that they really are important.) I pushed one of my borders this week end when I drove to the Fresno area to spend a couple of days with a dear friend. It’s springtime in the central valley, and all the fruits trees are in bloom, acres and acres of them! I don’t regret the trip itself, only the aftermath.
The border-stretching was that it’s a 4-plus hour drive, the longest I have taken alone so far. Everything went fine, except that after my return last night I was scheduled fro a grief group from 7-9 pm, and this morning I was scheduled for a session at Apple computers. I had to cancel the Apple class this morning; I simply was too exhausted. And I’ll be eating dinner in tonite to reduce the social activity; a lot of people just don’t understand how much extra time I need to grapple with life, but it’s a reality.
However, I am planning how I will deal with next week, as I’m making another excursion ( this time a much shorter trip to Sonoma,and I won’t be driving alone.) I’m hoping I’ll pace myself better before and after this trip.
I guess it really comes down to being willing to say ‘no’ just because I know I don’t have the energy right now. Even though Roger has now been dead longer than he was ill, I’m still walking through the grief of his loss, and one indication is the need for extra sleep and time alone. Because I live in such an activie community, it’s sometimes difficult not to overstep my boundaries and do things as I used to. I find it’s like walking a balance bar, I don’t want to become a hermit, but I don’t want to run on exhaust fumes either! Whether you are a widow or not, you might think about what borders you need to maintain.