Remembering Roger

Remembering Roger… died, August 11, 2011

The third anniversary of Roger’s death…I want to remember the good things even though it’s difficult not to focus on the hard death ..the 24 hours when I knew he was suffering, and I was seemingly incapable of doing anything about it…

I remember so many days in retirement when he was bent over the computer: reading news from around the world, working on church governance issues, or perhaps the next adult class he would teach, focused on the Christian and present-day issues. I guess he would be happy that I took the time to write a book review that dealt with Christian and Culture—whether it gets printed or not.

I sometimes wonder what Roger would think of my life now: I imagine him stroking the new cat a got a year after our old cat died. He would have been reluctant to take these steps, yet I think he can understand why I needed this comfort of a living creature to care for. ( well, perhaps not when she had to go to ‘urgent care’ for an upper rspiratory infection and be placed on two medications—but he would have helped hold her down!

I remember his love of the landscape, not only California, but the Wisconsin hills and the great week we had in Door County, and driving through the vineyards of Tuscany in 2010. One of the things I said to him after he was diagnosed with cancer, and before we knew his death would be that immenent, was ‘we’ve had a good life’—and of course because we did his absence leaves a bigger hole, and I still struggle to be who God wants me to be as a ‘solo’ person.

I remember the hard times too, the massive renovation jobs we tackled, including the apartment complexes. It was of course God’s providence that brought us to senior housing 6 years before Roger died, so I had none of those real estate issues to deal with. But at the time, I would be so weary of working til midnight to get the water turned on, or coming home from church to face a pile of debris that needed cleaning up.

How do you honor a dead spouse on the anniversary of his death? By acknowledging the grief, by shedding the tears, if there are any left, by being thankful for what you had, the direction God led you in your lives,by holding fast to the promise that God will lead you now too. Maybe by looking at the photos, and remembering.

July: where did it go? where did I go?

I have not posted in so long they have changed the configuation of the website, so I’m not even sure what I posted last, but I’m pretty sure it was prior to July.  Ten days in Minnesota, one of the rainy-est I recall in my summer visits, but that has its benefits; didn’t seem as hot altho it was humid.

My prime reason for this visit was wedding of a nephew; the dinner before wedding at their home was such fun, and so pleasing to see the lovely place they will live, hopefuly for many years. Wedding at Christ Church-Lutheran, a building of historic status, was lovely, and the live flower arrangements I helped my sister in law complete came out beautifully; between wedding preparations we also visitd an interesting museum display at the Russian Museum, and had dinner at the Swedish Institute, followed by a play “My Fair Lady” at the Guthrie Theater.  The day after the wedding I visited Roger’s family at his sister’s home, including his brother from Denver who had not traveled to Mpls for some time. I missed seeing the younger generation ( children of niece and nephew) but another time.

As my brother from Wisconsin, his wife, daughter & her husband were at the wedding, I also had brief connections with them ( we stayed at the same motel, so met for breakfast).

The rest of the month has been catching up on paperwork and committee meeting, social events and dinner with friends here, and making plans for August, which will be someway less eventful, but who knows?  Roger was often in my thoughts as I traveled and especially during the wedding events.  I guess it will always be so.

Oh yes, I came home to a sick cat, nothing serious but did require daily meds for a week, which was a struggle for us both, but she is fine now.

Summer in California has been exceptionally warm for our standards, so we always appreciate the cool fog rolling in at night.  I will miss summer with nice sunsets after 8 p.m., and plants blooming everywhere ( must get back out to Filoli Gardens while their summer blooms are still in view.)

I hope to get back to regular blogs; will report back on my first August event  next week.